Here it goes... I don't know who I am. I can't find that little place to call "self". All my feelings thoughts opinions are always half way to one quarter someone else's. I need to find myself but i need to focus on my academics, and i think this problem is bringing them down...
But then after wacthing the end of Metal Gear Solid 2, I realize that there is no sense of "self". There is only a mask of lies put up on me and the people around me. I don't know my own potential, yet i don't go out for any sports. I can't stop thinking about these things late at night (and other problems and things too, like the string thereom and such but I'll post them later maybe). I need someone to guide me, the one roll model i had died in a car accident right at the intersection by my house. Now I'm all alone, unguided on what to do with my intellegence and where to go with it...

Please reply.. someone's got to be out there to cacth me while I'm falling... hopefully

I think I had a similar feeling a couple years ago. If I knew how I got through it I'd tell you.

This place has been pretty slow recently, probably not the best place to come for advice. I'd reccomend a livejournal. A fun way to get all your thoughts in writing and meet interesting people. I'm not saying the internet is the answer to your problems, but at least it's a distraction.

That's really sad about your role model. Life works in a fucked up way sometimes, I hope things get better for you.

The Self can be described as simply the mechinism which interprets all the stimuli that you notice. All of what you know and understand comes from the outside world through your five senses. The self can occationally come up with something new by comparing/combining ideas within itself and spitting up something "new/unusual/rare/original".

Also you never really "am" anything. You can "am" something at the moment, sure. You never "am" something permanantly, which is part of the problem of the verb "to be". It builds a world that is too rigid and too unbending to walk freely in.

Roll with things. Encourage your self to make good happy decisions.

You don't need anyone to catch you, inside you can fly.

Catch yourself. There are plenty of people to help you through life, don't I know it, but ultimately it's you who does everything (good, bad, and ugly) for you.

Everyone's alone and everyon'e together. You know that saying "I'm unique, just like everyone else"? Exactly.

i had that feeling just before graduating high school, now it's almost 8 years later, i'm about to be done with college and have to find a real job, and start taking care of myself 100%.....and there goes that feeling again.
all i can suggest is to get a hobby. do it seriously, and if you really don't like it, then move on. but make a point of choosing something you think you will like. i've found that in my life i've felt best when discovering something new, and that by trying things out, seriously, i've created a better sense of self......you may not be in control of anything around you, including where your life takes you, but you can have control of your self, and it's the one thing that no one else will ever have control of.........

The following is only my OPINION. And excuse my lengthy "geek-speak" at times, but I'm trying to be as accurate as possible. Some of it may be a load of **** though, as it's a very new project of mine, and I haven't really researched any of the ideas, but it's all "off the top of my head". Also, there might be better, more suitable places on the Internet to post this on. But, if any of this lofty, futuristic stuff interests you, by all means contact me...

"Finding yourself" entails finding out your innate traits, such as, what things you have a predisposition for, or personality traits, both of which will never ever change. This is your "true self", and you cannot have more than one true self!. That is, the truth about your "self" doesn't change. But your self has a number of "levels": physical (body), sensory input (including the sixth sense of subconscious intuition), feelings/emotions, thoughts, awareness, and whatever else there is. Some of these change, some don't. I assume that you are after a deep sense of "security", and searching for the "self" is certainly where you will find it!

Now, as far as "guidance" is concerned, I think absolutely EVERYONE needs a LOT of guidance, as we are all WAY, WAY far from being perfect (in our thoughts, words, actions,..). And, especially in the developed countries, we are now TOTALLY OVERWHELMED by life. Everything's speeded-up. There's information overload. We're pushing ourselves to achieve more and more. We are surrounded by distractions. Humans WEREN'T DESIGNED for all of this. That is why, especially now, we are in desperate, urgent need of guidance - every minute of every day, and expert/accurate/truthful guidance

But, concerning yourself, I think the question you should ask yourself (if you're not doing so already) is: 'What should I do with my life?', one of the age-old questions of mankind. But how to answer this question?. Some possibilities include: live as best as I can, live the perfect/best life, live the good life, live the right life, waste my life, live for the moment, and so on. Which is the correct answer?. There is NO correct answer. Or how about 'What MUST I do with my life?'. Invalid question, as you can do with it as YOU choose. Or 'What CAN I do with my life?'. Almost anything. Specifically, there is an INFINATE array of possible lives one can lead, but GENERALLY, there is probably only a few possibilities (some are mentioned above). It's YOUR CHOICE (uses feeling/emotion & "gut instinct") and/or YOUR DECISION (uses logic/reason). So, in choosing/deciding (yes, they ARE different things) on what to do with your life, you need to choose/decide on the METHOD of making this choice/decision. That is, the method can be either CHOOSING or DECIDING. Personally, I think DECIDING is far superior, as it's based on FACTS, and not (detrimentally) influenced by the mood/whims/"cloudiness"/etc that CHOOSING is prone to. But let me point out that choices CAN be good, as well as bad, but there is no guarantee that all choices will be good. However, you CAN GUARANTEE that any particular decision is good, if you have ALL THE NECESSARY/REQUIRED FACTS, and USE those facts to make the decision. Then that decision is a "good" one, as it conforms to the facts (ie it will WORK)

So, back to your particular situation. I take it that you are the type of person who wants good things and doesn't want bad things, to be in his life, and not the other way around. I have taken the liberty of deciding AND choosing (so it MUST be right eh), that "good stuff" is what you NEED to have in your years ahead. And speaking of "need"... A need is (always) fact-based, and a "want" is emotion-based (which, can I say, is NOT ALWAYS FACT-BASED). So, the "needs" win out over the "wants" by an overwhelming margin. And I am currently in the process of forming a new world "religion" if you like, based on FACTS and NEEDS. I have given it the name "HAND", standing for "Humankind's Authentic Needs Decoded" (or "..Deciphered"). This will be the FIRST EVER sole entity, to govern and guide mankind towards his highest potential, in absolutely ALL areas of mankind. If it "takes" to the world, then it will be the start of a much-needed and final REVOLUTION of the way things are done on Earth, by mankind. It will (or should) FINALLY uncover the ACTUAL FACTS about our past, and what we are here for. And these facts, will be able to be PROVEN TO EVERYBODY, and so all the endless religious debating will finally cease. The TRUTH (specific facts, not "hazy", "fat" dogma) will be known, and known PRECISELY, and by EVERY PERSON on Earth. Of course, if you do not believe in HAND that's fine - you can and probably will simply treat it as simply yet another "new-age religion", which, strictly speaking, it probably is. And, if it turns out that one or more of the current religions are "right-on-track", then all those believing in HAND will naturally ALSO believe in THAT religion. Get it?

So, join (helping) HAND, and ALL your problems (or thereabouts, hopefully) will be solved, as there are solutions to EVERY problem out there somehere. Also, you could use your intelligence to help work on this mission/project (as it is going to need a MASSIVE amount of resources, to take it from here to completion)

Take care

Read "Neurosis and Human Growth" by Karen Horney

Read "Symbols, Selves, Social Reality" by Kent L. Sandstrom, Daniel D. Martin, and Gary Alan Fine.

--This will help with the general understanding of "self" and how each person forms identity and the struggles with everything we doubt through our life. There are some good examples in the text that I related too. Maybe this will help you with your problems.

Just remember its not the falling that hurts, it's the landing. Learn to be comfortable falling, if you let someone else catch you, they might just drop you again some other day. Then you'll be falling again.